PRESIDENT CHIMP by Jeremy Schanche

A large ape has seized control of the world’s most powerful nation. The whole world’s gone crazy. Nothing will ever be the same again. 

PRESIDENT CHIMP might be called ‘surreal’ if it wasn’t for its indisputable realism and historical accuracy. That’s right readers, the events described in this book would challenge your beliefs about everyday reality and what can happen, if it weren’t for the fact that it’s all virtually true and in reality we actually are – at time of publication – held fast within the hairy and barely prehensile grip of a large and belligerent ape.

These facts, painful as they are, must be faced and this new satire by Jeremy Schanche faces them with relish and abandon, joyfully exposing the fetid and dysfunctional zoo that is today’s White House.

In today’s political world, fact and fiction are hard to distinguish and the events in this story are only subtly different from those accepted as historically true. Join Donald Chimp and his crazy cast of co-stars in this hilarious, razor-sharp portrait of the 45^th President of the USA.

Meet Jefferson Cess, the possum-like Attorney General who hails from Alabamy.

Meet Mike Pynchpenny, the glacial Vice President whose wife makes the tastiest little old cookies this side of Pittsburgh. And don’t forget to say hi to Beth DeVo, the simpering Detroit Poodle whose enjoys sinking her claws into public education. But you’d better watch out for CIA-boss Mikey Pompey - he’ll have his stiletto in your back before you know what’s happening.

The book contains two other stories:

More of Everything is the tale of someone whose attempt to enrich his life goes horribly wrong. Someone who is forced to ask himself ‘at what point does enough become too much?’ Perhaps you’ve been there yourself? If not, now’s your chance.

Into The Thunderbolt Land follows the journey of an English soldier during the 1904 British Invasion of Tibet. Under official instructions to gather information on Tibetan culture, the Somerset Vicar’s son enters a world of meditation, yoga and a profound philosophy that seems to go to the very heart of the riddle that is life.

How did a large ape take over the world’s most powerful nation? How did international power-politics get reduced to an absurdist melodrama? Why did the people of the USA accept the presidency of a bad-tempered chimpanzee? The answer to these riddles will be found in the brand-new ebook by Jeremy Schanche - President Chimp. The author’s second book, this new collection of surrealism, satire and the spirit goes out of its way to ‘drain the swamp’ of Washington politics and reveal the uncensored reality of today’s White House under President Donald Chimp.

Jeremy Schanche is also the author of The Horned Whale or An Morvil Kornek. Published in 2016, it includes the Gothic novel The Kramvil, plus two short stories, a collection of poetry and two glossaries.
PRESIDENT CHIMP is available from various ebook sites.  Read it now - "goddam your ass!"

A MESSAGE FROM THE LEADER:
Alright now listen up you bunch of goddam liberal lady-boys! I'm only gonna say this once: If I catch any of youse reading that totally unfunny new book about me I'm gonna personally unleash the savage hogs and and deploy the deeply sinister weapons, got me? 
This so-called 'book' about me is totally fake. Written by a pathetic little attention-seeking anarchist! 
Pathetic.
And fake.
Totally.
I expect this so-called 'writer' has been forgetting to inject his bleach and the 'virus' (which is a Chinese FAKE by the way) has gotten into his brain.
Anyway. When the LIBEL starts, the BIBLE starts, so all you FAKE-NEWS media hacks and so-called 'authors' better look out cause we've got a whole heap of rubber bullets waiting for you - ENEMIES OF THE PEOPLE. 
And if that doesn't work I'll hold a Bible at you! 
This book is really lame.
Pathetic.
And FAKE. Worst satire ever!
Sincerely,

@realDonaldChimp

Feathery Crept Krogens In Gelatinous Meniscus

And feathery crept krogens under the sea as gelatinous swirled the meniscus-slop -  Brine drip and sluice round the planet in a bulge of starfish - spicules and suckers - rippling the lip of the shore and spindrift circling above -  A great carrack rock stuck up out of the ocean and the krogens slithered onto it and started the infinitely slow process of evolution - from mollusc to man - 

Pathways of the Celestial Bodies Inscribed on the Keltek Landscape in Antiquity

At first I was joking when I used to say I was 'going back to the Bronze Age', but quite soon the joke was on me and I found myself enshrouded in the crepuscular Keltek dusk of Kernow's tewlwolow husk.
The stones broke through like teeth emerging.
One finger points to another.
A long shadow cast by the moon.
Defend, Cultivate, Observe - study the Universe.
Honour nature.
Unlock the code.
Discover what is to be known - nature, the stars, people, the ocean, insects, your dreams - all one.

Well the ray of the moons' glow bounded off the tongue of a sleepless lark and glittered hard against the Druid's old stone tower.  Some things never change.  Bits of sunlight glimmered, glistened, glittered and glinted in a shimmering frazzle of dazzling glare, looming and rearing up all radiant daring to blaze through the haze and shazzam through the fleeting vaporous spindrift shimmer.  
The eye of seeing saw to it that the mind of knowing knew the deal.
Nature resplended in its entire perfection.
Nature comes with thorns.
Nature comes with horns.
Nature flows inseparable from the mind that perceives - thus, 'you are the eyes of the Universe.'

The entire fleshy, rocky and salt-water-croc-riddled trip centres around ye, the experiencing perceiver at the centre of the web, the heart of 'reality.'  
Well, if the whole Empire of Dust is pulling one way, might as well pull the other way, blazing up with the fire from the diamond-eyes of the stars.  Blaze against the cold steel rail, the numbing aparati of stagnation and the death of freedom - blaze away and rave, rage and rant - it's always better that way.  Rock the joint with ten thousand watts of pulsing rhythm and the wailing and popping cones of a hundred speakers, barking and yelping out their joyful song of life.  Just don't turn down the music if you want to meet the Muse.
*** 
Stay back where you are - you wouldn't like it here - this is not your place - stay in your age, you'd despise these weak and sneaky moderns with their stinking fire-chariots and their life of utter weakness.  There's nowhere left to run a horse and the game's all gone.  The chase has been replaced by the queue - they have these things called 'supermarkets' - stay where you are, my dear bronze ghosts, for you'd certainly hate it here.  All the towns are in the wrong places and nothing is aligned with nothing - Says it all - stay where you are - I'll come to you.
***
Rita Abatzi - One of Greece's greatest singers of our era:


Some stuff about my book, The Horned Whale... a Celtic Mystery Tale from Ancient Brittania

The pathways of the sky, painted across the land - a gift from the Old Ones, for those who have eyes to see.  

Lives of the Unknown

Many another life has brushed against your own - self and other appearing separate, most of the time, not always- 

merging-

How To Be A Mad Artist

an exercise in spontaneity.... 
Step One:  Make up some weird stuff...
Step Two:  Present it in a hyped-up fashion
Step Three:  Hype it further like it really matters
Step Four:  Harvest the cash, prestige, mojo, vibe, fruit, whatsoe'er 
Step Five:  Step One
{Secret Step Six}  Pretend to be a starving artist and pay no taxes, whilst quietly syphoning off vast funds from wealthy patrons and donating it all to the West Penwithershins Liberation Front, or similar...
Well it all started when I was walking down the road one day, it was a long road, a hot day and a crystal sky threatened to shatter over my head with ten thousand broken jewels - what was I to do?  I could only stare in amazement as swifts flitted flimsily forth, ephemeral feathers flew, from egg to branch, from station to station they flicked, from Africa to Penwithershins, Tallcarne, Mount Misshap and on they flew, passing on to Ireland, trasna na tdonnta and over the waves, tramor, tramor anmoreagain...

ΜΗΤΣΑΚΗΣ ΨΙΛΗ ΒΡΟΧΟΥΛΑ ΕΠΙΑΣΕ

So there you have it and now you know...  To keep abreast of all the latest developments, subscribe to The Caterpillar Dub - it won't cost you a read-scent.

Ephemeral Flim Flam That Fluttered Once Forth To Froth

So there I was, walking down the road, when all of a sudden-   
(Open a new tab and expand your image)  Ancient geometrical rhythms, patterns in the cloth, the march of the mountains, a faded colour-postcard, Kodachrome film flickering, people in outdated clothes, hats, newspapers clutched, streets bustling with gone-people, living-only-in-film-people, black-and-white-film-people gone drifting back in time.  

Τρυγόνα

Πήγαινα Το Δρόμο Δρόμο - Pigaina To Dromo Dromo

Μοιρολόι με γυρίσματα * Πετρολούκας Χαλκιάς

Γκάιντα Πυρσογιαννίτικη - Μαστοροχώρια Κόνιτσας (Ήπειρος)

Dream Yesterdays Summer

Ain’t always got the time to dream and slip into the summer meadows yesterday, dappled sunlight in the trees, through the meadow and into the tress, drowsy with summers’ torpor dropping like honey-flies from the leaves of the trees, glinting in the glade so cool.  Time to slip and slide to where stupas melt in time and fjords reflect the pure sky…  through the meadow and into the trees….   through the wildflower meadow, buzzing with insects of summer grass.  Into the trees, into the trees.....  

Scritti Politti – Doubt Beat

The Lyres – We Sell Soul

The Versatiles – Someone To Love

Junior Byles – If You Don’t Know Me By Now

ΜΑΡΟΚΟ, 1940, ΜΑΡΚΟΣ ΒΑΜΒΑΚΑΡΗΣ, ΑΠΟΣΤΟΛΟΣ ΧΑΤΖΗΧΡΗΣΤΟΣ

Morocco – Markos Vamvakaris, Apostolos Katsichristos - 1940

ΕΛΕΝΗ ΜΙΚΡΟΠΑΝΤΡΕΜΕΝΗ, 1936, ΧΑΡΑΛΑΜΠΟΣ ΠΑΝΑΓΗΣ

Slip into the dream of consciousness.....

Watchagonnado

Watchagonnado when the rain comes down – watchagonnado when the rain comes down – showers of words when the rain comes down – running down the page when the rain comes down -  watchagonnado when the dream wakes up – watchagonna do when you wake from the dream – moon in the clouds in a silvery dreamscape – sailing through gaps in a nocturnal moonscape – watya gonna do when you wake from the dream, what’re y’goin’t’ do when y’ wake from y’ dream?

Bowie – Toy (Album)

Pat Kelly – How Long

Pat Kelly – Dark End of the Street

Prince Buster – Dark End of the Street

Gram Parsons – Dark End of the Street

Ken Parker  - My Whole World is Falling Down

https://www.youtube.com/user/floydyopz/videos

角のあるクジラ Tsunojō no kujira - The Horned Whale 電子ブック 著者 – Jeremy Schanche

コーンウォールからの挨拶 
 Gorhemynadow a Kernow
私の名前は  Jeremy Schanche
Hannow me Jeremy Schanche yw
私は角質鯨と呼ばれる電子書籍の著者です
角のあるクジラ
電子ブック

コーンウォールの地下ジャーナリズム

爬

虫

類

幽霊 

 幽霊

詩

用

語

集

電子ブック

すべての電子ブックショップから

http://books.rakuten.co.jp/rk/4963f74ecb463dff893bef191402c430/

商品番号  9780993490910  
The ebook of The Horned Whale or An Morvil Kornek by Jeremy Schanche is available from all good ebook sites, $3.99 USD.
ポスターを印刷する

いくつかのチラシを印刷して配布する

モスガーデン

h

スリット

だいち の おと

それはゲームではない

コーンウォールからの漫画雑誌

Kōn'u~ōru kara no manga zasshi

ΜΑΓΚΑ

Ενας μάγκας στο Βοτανικό  - Παγιουμτζής


Δελιάς - Βρε μάγκα το μαχαίρι σου 
(το Κουτσαβάκι)


ΖΕΜΠΕΚΑΝΟ ΣΠΑΝΙΟΛΟ, 1933, 
ΓΙΩΡΓΟΣ ΜΠΑΤΗΣ, ΣΤΡΑΤΟΣ ΠΑΓΙΟΥΜΤΖΗΣ
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mangas

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zen_Flesh,_Zen_Bones

https://www.youtube.com/user/floydyopz

見知らぬ人  - キャタピラークロール

The Invertebrate Press Office:
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmsg_6451492R2kA9jzzokhx_F2o2mwa3GDBG_sdMpQO0Mr7MbHlMCbo_vUuxuN6UgHlvvWrFS3tucRNpiTtHuMlHeE6CbJpxVNjftpUE141rwFbrRoHBciYaRE1BQGOiJxGczuHa7EKM/s1600/Lim.31.P.31.JPG

http://savetheholyheadland.blogspot.co.uk/2016/06/harold-hempstead-murder-witness-talks.html

イチゴ狩り- Ichigokari - Delyo Syvy
コーンウォールからのフォークソング
無心

An Morvil Kornek / The Horned Whale by Jeremy Schanche - available at all ebook distributors, in all formats!

An Morvil Kornek or The Horned Whale, by Jeremy Schanche, available now at all major ebook distributors, in all formats...
Plug in this electronic book and take a journey round the 'Shyre' - 
Come to Penwithershins and check out the Underground as Old Janner shows Pat Vulgata round the labyrinths of the mine in The Janetta Stone.
Dark New Lynsmouth has seen many tribulations, but none so great as that set forth in The Kramvil, a gothic novel of eldritch and extraordinary phenomena which unwinds its thread through the twisting alleys of the Old Quarter.  When the studious Elias Gillpington runs into the audacious scientist Lazarus Taxon, the wings of fate soon becloud the Keltek sky.  As the shadow falls upon New Lynsmouth, Elias sees a glint of light in the presence of the beautiful Miss Constance Place.  The story pulses and pullulates with life like a seething vat of yeast infested by furious clouds of flies and wasps on a sunny day, in an ancient lithograph of old Bombay.  Potent, frothy, well-charged and heady, this electric manuscript will give you the skittering jitters and chill your rattling trotters.
The collection of Poems will most likely sneak up on yous from downwind and lasso yous off to a land of golden sunshine, rustling leaves and phonographs furling out foxtrots 'fore rustling ya rational-mind and dry-gulching yous in Tuskaloosa or somewheres or some or other such place.
Next, for the word-hungry among ye, we have a couple of glossaries to teach the tongues of talking.  First be the Gerlyvryn Kernouac which explains some words of the ancient Cornish language which appear in the stories.  Then we have the International Glossary which covers words from overseas, ancient and modern, as well as some archaic forms of Sowsnek, or 'English'.  
For our closing act, we have Ghost-Hulk of a Phantom, a darkly comic portrait of a struggling writer - a halucinatory roulade of oceanic fervour - a splattering of adrenalin on a canvas of vast cabbage-fields.  
To cut a John Dory short and chase the choice cuts I gotta say that An Morvil Kornek or The Horned Whale is the kind of book the lack of which would crook and rook up your reading-life by an absence of the positive presence of its very special form of effervescence.  

There's 21 different ebook distributors selling The Horned Whale, including  Amazon, Apple (itunes), Baker and Taylor Blio, Baker-Taylor Axis 360, Barnes and Noble, Diesel, Flipkart, Gardners Extended Retail, Gardners Library, Inktera (formerly Page Foundry), Kobo, Library Direct, Odilo, OverDrive, Oyster, Scribd, Smashwords, Sony, Tolino, txtr, Yuzu, etc..  so there's a version out there to suit everyone.....  what follows are just a few of them - I'll put up the rest as they 'go live'...

https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/horned-whale-or-morvil-kornek/id1164163097?mt=11

https://www.scribd.com/book/327205836/The-Horned-Whale-or-An-Morvil-Kornek

https://www.chapters.indigo.ca/fr-ca/livres/the-horned-whale-or-an/9780993490910-article.html

http://www.fnac.com/livre-numerique/a10159006/Jeremy-Schanche-The-Horned-Whale-or-An-Morvil-Kornek

http://books.rakuten.co.jp/rk/4963f74ecb463dff893bef191402c430/

http://pdb-ebooks.com/_/_/671145/the-horned-whale-or-an-morvil-kornek

http://sony-ebook-downloads.com/_/_/671145/the-horned-whale-or-an-morvil-kornek

https://www.chapters.indigo.ca/fr-ca/livres/contributeur/auteur/jeremy-schanche/

https://www.scribd.com/author/333949305/Jeremy-Schanche

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/671145

If you enjoy An Morvil Kornek or The Horned Whale, please print out some flyers, cut them up an pass them around - spread the words...  Also, please link to this page on your social sites...  

Why not go totally hog-wild and print out a poster for ya home or the twisting back-alleys of your juddering home-town, ya sprawling metropolis or ya muddy one-horse village-street?

Hope you like the stories!  And remember, you can't judge a rook by its plover.  Take it easy now, but take it!

Jeremy Schanche

Here are some books by, or about, friends and family:

My brother's book:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Arrow-Nick-Ingolf-Schanche-ebook/dp/B00CTN49S0

My uncle's books:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Thomas-Hudson/e/B00EWGFHB0/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0

A book about my two oldest friends:

https://www.fantasticfiction.com/b/lucy-m-boston/sea-egg.htm

A book by a distant cousin in USA about Eldridge Cleaver and the Black Panther Party:

http://www.abebooks.com/Panther-Paradox-Liberals-Dilemma-Schanche-Don/1299534495/bd

Some books by my primary school teacher...:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Owl-His-Birthday-Richard-Potts/dp/0718806123

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ghost-Mine-Richard-Potts-1998-05-15/dp/B01K9AHCVK/ref=sr_1_15?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1474059943&sr=1-15

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Boy-His-Bike-Puffin-Books/dp/0140310444/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1474060190&sr=1-3

... and his old pupil - my brainy mate:

http://www.sussex.ac.uk/profiles/19644/publications

A friend's book:

http://jungstudies.net/the-snake-in-the-clinic-psychotherapys-role-in-medicine-and-healing-by-guy-dargert/

Another friend's book:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Quinn-Life-Pieces-Poems-Places/dp/1505481058

My weird evil ancestor's book:

http://www.gutenberg.org/files/28513/28513-h/28513-h.htm

Distant cousins, there's a limited supply:

https://www.waterstones.com/booklist/260371/waterstones-booksellers-jo-nes

My friend the vegan poet:

http://www.philipelston.co.uk/

And here's a true story, one we should all read: 

http://www.georgemallinckrodt.com/getting_away_with_murder.htm

The actor:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ingolf_Schanche

The Boy-Racer:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Schanche

The Geologist:

https://friendly-guides.uk/

My youtube channel:

https://www.youtube.com/user/floydyopz

My other blog:  

http://savetheholyheadland.blogspot.co.uk/2016/06/harold-hempstead-murder-witness-talks.html

Don't burn books - let them burn you...

http://yecaterpillar.blogspot.co.uk/2009/08/i-got-31-hunks-of-bread-on-my-plate.html

The Beginning.